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Krik Krak News (Friday, December 30, 2011) (Satire)
Breaking News: President Barack Obama refuses to be outdone by President Michel Martelly of Haiti, declaring that on New Year’s Day, the first 1,000 people to arrive at the National Mall in Washington DC will receive free trips to Hawaii and brand new SUVs. This is to be followed with similar presidential giveaways in every major American city. CNN reports since Haiti, a poor country, gave away cars, Obama is expected to give away private jets.
Fired up, some political activists demand to know who allowed this raid on the public Treasury. The White House said the measure had unanimous approval from both the Senate and the Congress, making all complaints unjustified. Still the Department of Justice called for an investigation.
Meantime, at Times Square, New Yorkers await their New Year gifts. A large Haitian- American crowd is here as well and some are saying they deserve special treatment because the gift-giving idea came from their homeland. “Woy! Obama ap bay Zetrenn ane sa a!” shouted Marie Jean-Jacques, who missed out on the Channmas giveaway in Port-au-Prince, but feels she’ll have better luck in New York. To the surprise of many political analysts, much of the public is celebrating, saying no previous president ever did such a thing. This is the change they’ve been waiting for.
Like President Martelly, President Obama explained although the country has deep problems, his largess diverts the public’s mind from those agonizing difficulties. The troubled government of Syria is monitoring the situation closely and is considering how to apply the holiday gift giving to those of the Moslem faith. The Secretary of the Treasury, A.T.M. Geithner, promises even more government giveaways on July 4th if the economy does not rebound.
Obama stated privately although he realizes none of the gifts were made in America, he thinks the giveaways assure him a second term.
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